Sacrifice

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends”.  John 15:13

This verse took on a whole new meaning this year. I have read this verse many times in my lifetime.  If I’m honest I never gave it much thought. Maybe I just figured I’d never be called to do this. I will say that anytime I saw this verse I pictured this as the physical act of giving up my life not a figurative one. It’s been a tough few months as we’ve lived this verse out.  

For the past 9 months God has brought to my attention much more than I ever wanted to know about the very real spiritual battle raging for our hearts and minds. As each piece unfolded day by day we continually prayed for God to give us wisdom and discernment as we struggled to decipher fact from fiction. God continually answered and brought us information that showed us paths of destruction.  I am thankful that God showed us this path and revealed truths.  Hard truths, truths that didn’t always make sense to our human minds but as we got deeper and deeper into revelation we saw that what we originally thought was an earthly battle was actually a spiritual battle for our souls and of those we love.  So we did what our family does - we fought. We fought for our family and people we care about.

This path of destruction that has become so clear to us has been so well hidden in our world.  Let me just say, I don’t know why God chose me.  I feel like Moses, unqualified, inadequate. I’ve asked God “Why me?” so many times.  It’s a hard, hurtful path when you stand against societal norms.  When you fight and don’t waver from conviction. People don’t understand and as a result you’re scoffed at.

These are the moments that I am so grateful for a husband who is a warrior.  A man who lives by the Holy Spirit’s convictions NO MATTER WHAT.  This is a gift. My husband is currently standing in front of our entire family holding a shield and a sword defending our God given convictions, our lives, our souls and our Constitution.  Even when the cost to our family has been great.  Because he understands what it means to lay his life down for our family.  And in the moment of decision, he chose to lay his life down for friends.  

This path of destruction has not been clear to everyone we’ve tried to show.  So there has been much loss. But we knew that people we cared about were barreling towards a cliff that they didn’t see.  So we threw ourselves in front of them hoping they would recognize our heart and understand that there must be danger if we were willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING.  I wish I could say the sacrifice was met with understanding of what we were trying to do.  It was not.  Instead it was met with hurt, anger, grief, misperception of our family and derision. But it has given me a glimpse of what Jesus suffered for us when He laid down his life and was scoffed at, spit on and abandoned by his friends. I wish we hadn’t caused hurt. It was never our intention. But we could not sit by and let people we love hurtle towards a cliff without trying to stop them.

It’s hard to lay your life down.  But sometimes God calls us to do that. I wish things had gone differently. Honestly, I thought they would.  I thought we were known intimately and for us to take a such hard stance would make understanding come. 

I feel like a failure some days. I run it over and over in my mind of how I could have explained things differently.  But I keep coming back to the same thing. Our job was to obey God.  That’s it. So we did. I wish the outcome had been different but God has continued to bring more information to light that confirms what He told us months ago. And we are called to follow Him no matter what.

I hurt so badly over the loss and my sense of failure to save people we love. But I will never give up hope that the truth will come to light. We only know that God told us something and until He tells us something different we will continue to stand on His truth and wisdom. 

So what is God calling you to sacrifice today? Is there someone you need to lay your life down for? I know it’s hard, I’m living it. But I also know that God is bigger and that when He calls us to do something, He will equip us and help us to stand strong no matter what. And He promises us that He will never leave us or forsake us. 

So I urge you to heed God’s call today. Only you and He know what it is. 

As for our family, we continue to listen to God, to stand strong. And I continue to remember that the Bible says “ …Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes with the morning” Psalms 30:5.