Honor

Hebrews 13:4 “ Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage….” (NLT)

I studied the book of Hebrews at my Ladies Bible study this year and as I came across this verse, I started thinking about what exactly “give honor to marriage” means. So I began researching it. The first thing I did was to look up the definition of honor. What does it mean?

The dictionary defines honor as:

          high respect; great esteem

          something regarded as a rare opportunity and bringing pride and pleasure; a privilege.

This second definition really struck me. So much so that it bears repeating. One way we give honor to our marriages is by regarding marriage as a rare opportunity, bringing pride and pleasure, considering it a privilege.  Uh, WOW! How often do we view being married to our husbands as a privilege? It’s not a right, something to be taken for granted. God has given us the great privilege of being our man’s wife.

The dictionary also defines honor as a verb:

           Pay public respect to

God doesn’t tell us to give honor to marriage if it’s deserve or if we feel like it or if our marriage is amazingly wonderful. Just that we’re supposed to do it. God designed marriage, so we give honor to marriage, the institution created by God.  We honor marriage simply if for no other reason than because God tells us to!

So what does it look like to give honor to marriage and remain faithful to one another?

1. We can honor marriage by praying for our husbands - praying for his heart, his hands, his eyes, his work. 

2. “.. and remain faithful to one another in marriage” 

I believe this part encompasses many things. Remaining faithful to one another is not just talking about adultery -  it also means making yourself emotionally and physically available for sex with our husbands consistently - even when sometimes when we don’t feel like it or we feel fat, unsexy or ugly. I struggled with this in our early years because I really didn’t understand how important a component this was in marriage. One of the best books I ever read that totally changed how I viewed sex and, consequently, transformed our marriage was “Sheet Music” by Dr. Kevin Leman

I believe remaining faithful to one another also means making sure that we are emotionally intimate with no other man besides our husbands. You should not be close friends with a man other than your husband. And if you’re single, your closest friend should not be someone else’s husband. 

3. Honor marriage by embracing the roles God has ordained for us - submitting to our husband, being his helper

4. Honor marriage by speaking respectfully about our husbands in public. Find ways to complement him to others. Don’t participate in the man/husband bashing that seems to abound in our society. I know none of our husbands are perfect, so if you need someone to talk over legitimate struggles in your marriage, find a Christian woman friend that will speak truth, pray for/with you and who will not treat your husband differently because of what you share

I know this can be hard.  Not all of our husbands are wonderful, I get it.  But one thing I’ve learned in 26 years of marriage is when we give Honor to marriage, to our husbands, even if they don’t deserve it (or we feel like they don’t) we may not change them, but giving honor anyway, being obedient to God, changes ME, my heart and how I interact with them. And, might I submit, that changing how we treat them might cause them to become an honorable man.