Marriage Consumerism
Our pastor gave a sermon last Sunday about consumerism in the church. Ok, I know what you’re thinking - this is a marriage/family blog what does this have to do with anything? Before you click away, I ask for your indulgence. Stick with me, I promise this is relevant.
The gist of the the sermon was that a lot of American Church have become a place where people go to get something. Maybe it’s to check a box on their to-do list or to feel spiritual or, for some of us, to be entertained. And, when the music isn’t what we like or the pastor gives a message that we don’t agree with or we hear of a church with more dynamic presentations, it is easy to walk out the door and go shopping for a church that will meet our expectations. It’s sitting in church with the attitude of “I need, I want” and the chasing after the new, next better thing when we don’t get our way.
As I listened, I couldn’t help but agree with him. And sitting there, conviction crept in. Feeling not only guilty of doing this in church but in my everyday life at times. As much as Mike and I try to fight it, it silently creeps in and sometimes, it’s so subtle, we don’t even notice.
That message has been hard to shake this week. Diligently trying to be more aware of areas where this has invaded our home. But this morning it hit me - Are we doing the same thing in our marriages? Are we constantly asking what our spouse can do for us? And stamping our foot when we don’t get what we want or think we need? How often, when talking to our friends (or if you’re like me, talking to yourself!) do we grumble “I wish my husband did the cooking, picked up his clothes, helped with the kids, said thank you, etc. “ Or reading a social media post about something amazing someone else’s husband did, think wistfully “Why doesn’t my husband do that for me?” Some of us have even get married expecting that will meet all our needs.
Looking back, I cringe as I realize how prevalent consumerism was in our early years of marriage. At the time I would have called it selfishness but it amounts to the same thing-it was all about me and what Mike could do or didn’t do for me. What if, instead of asking “What’s in this for me, we start to ask what we can do for them? What would that look like? And how would that change everything in my marriage? In my home?
So how do we combat this, change our mindset and go from being consumers in our marriage to captivated with our husband?
Here’s a few ways to get started:
1. Pray - ask God for wisdom in discerning ways that you are being a consumer in your marriage and to open your eyes to your husbands needs.
2. Make a conscious effort to find good in your husband. You will have to be intentional in this, especially if negativity comes easily to you (I struggle with this so no judgement)
3. STOP comparing your husband to anyone else’s husband. Even if that means getting off social media altogether. Your marriage needs to be more important than any social media platform
4. Take the 5 Love Languages quiz: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/
This tool was instrumental in changing how we interacted with each other. We discovered that most people show love the way they feel love. But a lot of couples feel love in different ways. Makes sense since we’re all different people. So frustration sets in, even if, both have been working hard to show love to each other. Once you know your husband’s love language, be intentional in showing him love in ways that speak to HIS needs.
If you want to go more in depth with the Love Languages, check out Gary Chapman’s books.